The rewards of sticking together in marriage are profound when we embrace Kingdom Life. As of 2024, U.S. divorce rates for first marriages hover between 40% and 50%. The average age for marriage has climbed to 30 for men and 28 for women, and this trend continues to rise. Why is marriage declining, and what can we do to strengthen it? On May 22, 2025, I celebrated 10 years of marriage—a milestone my husband and I reflected on with gratitude. Looking at our peers in their early thirties, we were heartbroken to find only one other couple married for a similar duration. As a 10-year veteran of marriage, I credit Kingdom Life and keeping our focus on the Lord as the driving force behind our commitment to stick together.

Conflict vs. Sticking Together

When I first started dating my husband, I wanted to understand his roots. The values instilled in him and the home he grew up in were critical for a lasting relationship. I was thrilled to learn he was raised in a devout Catholic family. His mother, a second-generation American whose grandparents immigrated during the Potato Famine, helped establish a family farm in Northeastern Iowa. His father, also from a farming family in North Central Iowa, built a life with her on that land. They married later in life and are weathered, hardworking people.

To outsiders, my in-laws might seem like a grumpy, old couple who’ve lost affection for each other—a perception that’s sadly common today. Initially, this dynamic unsettled me. When I brought it up, my husband laughed and said, “We’re Irish and Catholic. We get married, and we don’t divorce. No matter what.” While their marriage isn’t one I’d fully emulate, their unwavering commitment to stick together through any conflict or circumstance has taught me the essence of Kingdom Life.

In true farming fashion, my father-in-law spends long nights planting or harvesting. My mother-in-law, though often gruff, shows deep tenderness in ways that define lasting marriages. During busy seasons, she prepares meals and drives deep into the fields to deliver them. My father-in-law never forgets Mother’s Day or her birthday, always gifting practical items like potted lilies for Easter—her favorite, as cut flowers are “a waste of money.” These small, intentional acts reflect a commitment to Kingdom Life and sticking together.

Reflecting on their relationship has given me peace about my husband’s view of marriage. Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy, clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.” Despite our sin, God didn’t walk away. His love for the church—His bride—shows us how to stick together through the ultimate conflict. Kingdom Life calls us to this same sacrificial love.

Getting Outside of Ourselves

I’ve heard it said, “It’s not the point of conflict that causes division; it’s the refusal to get outside of ourselves and understand differing perspectives.” This rings true today. We crave the joys of companionship but shy away from the sacrifice of Kingdom Life. Our culture prioritizes comfort, leading to obesity and depression as we substitute food and entertainment for meaningful connection. Lasting relationships, however, demand discomfort—a willingness to die to self. Sticking together requires embracing this sacrifice.

Reflecting on my 10 years of marriage, I laugh at one of my most selfish moments: my wedding day “first look.” Wedding photography has become an art form, with Pinterest boards full of tearful grooms gazing at their brides. I dreamed of that moment, but when I tapped my husband’s shoulder, there were no tears—just a beaming smile and a heartfelt, “You’re beautiful.” I was disappointed, thinking I wasn’t pretty enough or that he was unemotional.

Years later, after many conflicts, I had an epiphany. I’m the emotional one, often crying through challenges, while my husband remains calm and steady—my rock. His optimism and stability, which I once mistook for a lack of emotion, are his greatest strengths. Learning to get outside of myself and understand him has shown me that his strengths complement my weaknesses, and vice versa. Kingdom Life teaches us to value this balance and stick together through differences.

The Heart of Sticking Together

Sticking together isn’t about your comfort. Focusing on what others should do to make you happy hinders connection. True Kingdom Life happens when you sacrifice personal comfort to explore what makes another person tick. The pursuit of knowing and loving someone, especially when it’s hardest, mirrors Christ’s sacrifice for His bride. Sticking together through discomfort is the ultimate practice of Kingdom Life and self-sacrifice, reflecting the love that Christ modeled for us.

Sticking Together and Finding Community

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